Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
