My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
