"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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