It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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