I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Randomize
