I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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