hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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