I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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