Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
