i think i have herpe
just one?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
