Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
