if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
