I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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