oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
we made out on top of his cat.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
