I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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