i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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