I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
MIDGETS
????
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
