Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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