Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
