Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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