What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
