I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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