he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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