Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
