I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
