Sry I called you an 8
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
