After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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