The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
