i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
