Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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