I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
