thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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