he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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