My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
