After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
