took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
