if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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