Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
