i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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