she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
