it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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