mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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