Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
