He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
