She went from zero to smokin in five shots
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
