Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I bet he comes in French.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
