The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Randomize
