If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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