To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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