I wish I could teleport
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
