Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
