no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
