Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
